http://www.affection.org 1 http://www.affection.org/maman-dit-moi_93126_HISTOIRE_847248_poeme-type-auteur/ - Quel âge as-tu, maman ?
- Cela ne se demande pas ma chérie, lui répond sa mère.
- Combien tu mesures, maman ?
- Cela n'est pas important ma chérie, reprend la mère.
- Maman, pourquoi toi et papa avez divorcé ? Redemande la petite fille.
- Cela ne te regarde pas ma chérie, dit la mère en terminant la discussion.
La petite fille demanda à sa meilleure copine pourquoi les adultes ne parlent pas de ces choses-là.
Sa copine lui dit :
- C'est vraiment simple, toutes les réponses à nos questions sont sur leur carte d'identité.
Le lendemain la petite fille fouille dans le sac à mains de sa mère et trouve sa carte d'identité.
Elle est ravie de voir que son amie disait vrai, toutes les réponses à ses questions s'y trouvent !
Elle court alors voir sa mère et lui dit :
- Maman, je sais ton âge.
- Ah oui ? Et j'ai quel âge ?
- 36 ans. Et je sais combien tu mesures.
- Ah oui ? Combien ?
- 1 mètre 71. Et je sais aussi pourquoi toi et papa avez, divorcé.
- Et bien cela m'étonnerait fort !
- Tu as eu un F en sexe... et çà, ce n'est vraiment pas une bonne note!]]> http://www.affection.org/maman-dit-moi_93126_HISTOIRE_847248_poeme-type-auteur/ 28 Dec 2006 03:19:00 +0100 http://www.affection.org/female-sexual-response_23805_forum/
1. Female arousal tends to be more closely tied to emotional states, and feelings of warmth towards her partner.
2. Many women can come in two distinctly different ways: through G-Spot stimulation and through clitoral stimulation. Many women characterize the clitoral orgasms as "sharper" and the G-Spot orgasms as "deeper".
3. Women often vary considerably in what type of sexual stimulation they like, and how they like it done.
4. Female arousal usually takes longer to build, but can often last longer and be more intense than that which men commonly experience.
5. Women can often have multiple orgasms, if stimulation continues following the first (especially with G-Spot stimulation).

It's because of #5 that the basic approach to erotic massage differs between women and men. Since women can sometimes enjoy stimulation all the way through one orgasm and into the next, there is little or no need for them to hold back in any way. Having orgasms in a series can cause arousal levels to float for a long time at a very high level.

Suggested Types of Stimulation
Women vary in their tastes concerning G-Spot and clitoral stimulation, so you need to be attentive and listen. A common preference is for their partners to begin with gentle rubbing over the entire vulva, to follow this with clitoral stimulation, and to finish with G-Spot stimulation or G-Spot AND clitoral stimulation.
Please be aware that neither clitoral stimulation nor any sort of vaginal penetration usually feels good unless a woman is already in a fairly high state of arousal. When performing genital massage on women one often has a "free hand" which may be used to glide over the rest of her body, tease her nipples, massage her perineum, caress her face, form "connections" with other parts of her body (by stimulating some other part of her body at the same time as you are pleasuring her genitals), etc.

Although the genital massage styles presented below are some of the most commonly favored among women, there are many more.

"Clitoral" - When massaging her clitoris, learn what part of it feels best to her. Going in circles around it softly and rhythmically with a lubricated finger is a good way to proceed, at least until you get more specific feedback or until you uncover something that obviously feels better. Once you find something that feels great, consistency with it is often the key to further pleasure. Some women find that clitoral orgasms feel better if their vaginas are pleasantly filled: more fingers or an appropriately-sized dildo are good ways to accomplish this, though penetration of any kind usually doesn't feel good to someone who isn't aroused, so it probably isn't what she would want you to start right out with.

"G-Spot" - The G-Spot is an area on the forward wall of the vagina, just behind the pubic bone about two inches in. A woman can often tell you when you've found her G-Spot, and it often feels more "ridged" than the surrounding tissue. Pressing into it can be intensely pleasurable, but may cause a sensation of needing to urinate. Female ejaculation is sometimes a result of G-Spot stimulation; female ejaculate is NOT urine, but IS expelled through the urethra....... G-spot stimulation usually only feels good when the woman is aroused.

Good Communication...feel comfortable.
she should feel free to mention anything that is getting in the way of her comfort and pleasure.]]> http://www.affection.org/female-sexual-response_23805_forum/ 24 Oct 2004 17:54:00 +0100 http://www.affection.org/secrets-plaisir_23806_forum/
Vous expliquez qu'il est possible de chercher toujours plus de plaisir. Cette recherche peut-elle durer toute la vie ?

Dr Solano : Non seulement elle le peut, mais elle le devrait. Le plaisir dans l’amour est un apprentissage très long. Tant pour les hommes que pour les femmes. Si l’on y investit de l’énergie, on arrive à des profondeurs de volupté que l’on ne soupçonnait pas au début de sa vie sexuelle… même si, dès le début, bien sûr, on peut éprouver déjà beaucoup de plaisir. Et puis, le plaisir, ça se cultive. On peut partir à sa recherche et non attendre qu’il nous soit servi sur un plateau. C’est pour cela que nous avons ouvert des pistes « à la recherche de plus de plaisir » !

Les sentiments prennent selon vous une place importante dans l'accession au plaisir. Pour quelle raison ?

Dr Solano : Un plaisir uniquement physique est forcément très limité. Il devient une sorte de gymnastique, agréable, mais répétitive. Si l’esprit ou le cœur s’en mêlent, c’est forcément plus « comblant ». Et la sexualité, c’est un langage pour exprimer quelque chose : une émotion, un désir, une proximité, un partage… Si vous n’avez rien à vous dire, faire l’amour sera complètement creux, vide de sens. C’est pour cela que certaines personnes souffrent d'addiction, comme si le sexe était une drogue pour eux. C’est qu’ils cherchent dans la pratique physique ce qu’ils ne pourraient trouver que dans les sentiments. Alors, c’est la course en avant, toujours plus loin, sans jamais se sentir bien. Tout le monde le sait bien, au fond : plus on s’aime, plus faire l’amour est merveilleux. C’est une évidence toujours à rappeler pour certains qui imaginent que la technique érotique prime ! D’ailleurs, notre livre devait, au départ, s’appeler « savoir jouir », mais nous avons préféré « savoir aimer » qui contient bien mieux cette dimension émotionnelle
-------------------------------
Le rapport au plaisir est différent au masculin ou au féminin

Les hommes, comme en témoigne le rapport Spira sur la sexualité des Français, sont plus axés sur l’accomplissement sexuel jusqu’à l’orgasme, alors que pour les femmes, le plaisir est plus difficilement dissociable du climat sensuel et affectif de la relation sexuelle. Gérard Leleu, médecin sexologue, explique bien : « si une femme ne connaît pas l’orgasme au cours du rapport, mais que la relation a été vécue sensuellement et émotionnellement comme gratifiante, elle ne sera pas ressentie comme un échec. » A l’inverse, pour nombre d’hommes, l’éjaculation, son orgasme et celui de sa partenaire sont les objectifs de la relation et la seule preuve d’un rapport sexuel réussi.

Quand pour faire plaisir, les femmes simulent l’orgasme

Pourtant, le rapport Spira* montre que seulement 35% des femmes déclarent avoir un orgasme au cours de chaque rapport sexuel. Alors 65% des rapports sexuels seraient-ils des échecs de relation entre l’homme et la femme ? Certainement pas ! Néanmoins, certaines femmes convaincues que leur propre orgasme est source de satisfaction pour leur partenaire ou soucieuses de « faire plaisir » à leur partenaire, simulent l’orgasme.

L’orgasme, paroxysme supposé du plaisir
Les sexologues sont aujourd’hui unanimes pour dire qu’il y a danger à faire de l’orgasme, la seule finalité de la relation sexuelle. L’orgasme seul ne garantit pas la qualité et l’intensité d’une relation sexuelle. Pour les sexologues, c’est même cette course à l’orgasme qui empêche la relation sexuelle de s’exprimer pleinement.
« Lorsqu’on se fixe un but en matière de sexualité, on risque fort de passer à côté du plaisir » rappelle le sexologue Gérard Leleu. ]]> http://www.affection.org/secrets-plaisir_23806_forum/ 24 Oct 2004 18:01:00 +0100 http://www.affection.org/compatibility_23804_forum/
Compatibility is overrrated. The similarities or personality traits that attract people to each other may not hold up over time.

You might be attract to someone because you both love to ski, but then one of you blows out a knee. When people are divorcing they'll say, "We have nothing in common". But they have kids,a house and 30 years of shared experience. Values about money and children run very deep and are important. The surface ones-antiques,sport,travel and gourmet coffee-don't matter.
WilliamJ.Doherty, professeurand marriage and family therapy program director. Univ. of Minnesota

People assume compatibility as a baseline requirement, then want more.
"I want him to fit in with my family and do all the things i love to do- and he should de sexy, and he should take me out to cool places." I think you can have an even more fulfilling relationship if you respect each other's worlds and learn a little bit from each other. I always think of the phrase, "You've met your match." You really do want someone who challenges and spars with you.
Nancy Slotnick, dating coach.

The biggest reason people get divorced is they grow apart.
I don't see many marriages that can de saved,and I DON'T KNOW THAT IT'S POSSIBLE TO SAVE MARRIAGES.
Couseling doesn't work; by the time couples get to the lawyer their positions are very hardened.
Raoul Felder, divorce lawyer who has presided over the dissolution of some 8000 marriages


If a man comes home late, his wife may get angry and ask,"Why didn't you call?" Instead, she could say, "Honey. i was worried about you. Did somthing happen?"
PEOPLE MUST LOOK FOR THE BEST IN EACH OTHER.
Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis, author of The Committed Marriage, and founder and president of Hineni, an organization fostering
Jewish heritage

I recently asked myself: What would social sciences have to say to a matchmaker? Damn little.
MEASURES OF PERSONALITY DON'T PREDICT ANYTHING, BUT HOW PEOPLE INTERACT DOES.
Couples need to feel they are building something together that has meaning. How does a relationship support what you see as a mission in life? This is the existential part. You must also connect emotionally. How much do you repond emotionally. How much do you respond to each other's bids for attention? Does your partener turn toward you with equal enthusiasm? You need to ask questions and constantly update your knowledge of one another. And you need the ability to hear your partner's delight and take it in.
John Gottman,founder-director of the Relationship Research Institute, Seattle.

Love remains somthing we all long for, at least on the receiving end, but that we also seem to have so much trouble finding, or recognizing-or holding onto. And sometimes, letting go of.
... Of course, we want someone to share our laughter, be a best friend as well a a lover, someone who'll not only listen to our douts and celebrate our triumphs but also jump in the car for impromptu geteways. We want to be one half of a couple whose personal characteristics so closely mesh that we'll remain oriented to one another in a hyperstimulating world. such assuance rsides only in compatibility, that critical stew of traits that matter-if only we could figure out which traits they are....

...Compatibility does not hinge on some personal inventory of traits. Compatibility isn't somthing you have. It's something you make. It's a process, one that you negotiate as you go along. Again and again. It's a disposition, an attitute, a willingness to work....

...Loves operates on many levels. It involves a dauntingly interplay of biology and behavior. But it operates best when we add a certain spirit, when we consciously shape our relationships through an attitude of good will.

PSYCHOLOGY TODAY october2004]]> http://www.affection.org/compatibility_23804_forum/ 24 Oct 2004 17:15:00 +0100 http://www.affection.org/be-your-own-shrink_23807_forum/
Lot of people out there have serious phychological problems.
They suffer from intense depression, suicidal thoughts, paralyzing anxiety or uncontrollable urges, and they need immediate professional help.
Let's face it :
you may be insecure,lonely,stressd or anxious. You may have trouble meeting pleople or keeping your marriage together : but these garden variety problems are not life threating, nor are they defects whose roots require a therapist,weedeng.

We believe that many emotional problems are learned, mainly from parents, teachers, peers and the media and that people can unlearn these patterns on their own.

Once people realize that they play a crucial role in overcoming their problems, selfhelp becomes a highly effective option.

1-you are too demanding and perfectionistic.

2-you don't say what you mean or what you say.

3-you tend to be judgmental.

4-you are afraid of making mistakes.

5-there is very little fun in your life.

6-you do not take responsability for your actions.
(you may refuse to accept the(onus) for situation you have yourself caused because you are afraid it will make you look weak or inperfect.)

7-you set unrealistic goals.
( you know something is unrealistic when, despite your sincere persistence the outcome is mediocre at best.)

8-you cannot let go of grudges.
(It is a serious mistake to harpon negative events from the past. Studies show that depression is usually associated with dwelling on negative past experiences and thoughts.When you regret something you've done, express it, resolve it, and drop it. This way it won't come back to haunt you.)

9-you are unable to tolerate the inevitable frustrations of life.
(Everyone inevitable has to deal with frustrations.When you do not arn yourself with the mental equipement to handle glitches in your daily plans, you set yourself up needles desapointment and misery. Reapeat to yourself " you win some and you lose some". Accept that life is not fair. Everyone has to tolerate things and people they would prefer not to deal with. Focusing on what you have intead of dwelling on what you want is one of the roads to happiness and contentment.)

10 youthink passimistically or embrace a pop-psychology form of optimism.
(Negative thinking often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy - expect bad things to happen, and you may make them happen. But false optimism can be just as harmful. Everyone can appreciate the beneficts of positive thinking, but few seem to realize that rose-colored glasses can be blinding.) ]]> http://www.affection.org/be-your-own-shrink_23807_forum/ 24 Oct 2004 18:04:00 +0100